But loving someone who doesn't love you back is in a different situation.The type of love you're the only one who's giving everything yet what you take is pain&hurt. Your sacrifices are like effortless to him & it doesn't matter to him if you're hurting simply because he doesn't value you and you don't matter to him at all. Isn't it hard to look dumb just to prove how much you value him yet he's there laughing at what you're doing without knowing that you're doing that stupidity and dumbness for him to realize how much you loved him. Don't you realize that that person is not worth the risk? Don't you feel ashamed?Others are laughing at you and says mean words..But there you are still hoping to be loved back.
I actually experienced the same when I met this guy,..2 years younger than me 3 months ago.At first,I'm just idolizing him because he joined Mr. Campus.. During their practices,I'm watching him even when our class teachers are having their lectures. I do not even know his name then but his face is fmiliar.. I told my bestfriend about this guy and said that she's also idolizing him..
One time while watching them,I shout at him during his turn..He just ignored me and continue to ramp.I'm so embarassed because of what he showed. But I did not give up that easily.Its the first try you know?.haha :D.
That afternoon,while i was texting his classmate,a new # appeared..That's the beginning of our communication..
He said at his second text that he wanted me,Im shocked because it's the first day that I've idolized him.Isn't it unfair that he's only saying those sweet words because he knew that I liked him. Well, when he said can i be his girlfriend,I asked him if he's serious and texted me if dont like then it's OK.
Is that an appropriate answer? But of course,I'm not that easy to get type,I tested his determination if he is really willing..Yeah..I admit I'm falling for him,my classmates cant believe that Im doing great towards him. I let them read his sweet messages..Few days after,he asked me again that question.I again said those words (ARE YOU SERIOUS?)and there goes his answer again.. Isn't that chaotic? He's always texting me, but he's not talking to me personally. I got my courage to talk to him in person February 04,2011..yeah .we talked. He saidthat he's being jealous with my guy bestfriends and he wanted me to avoid them,I said ok............. If that's what you want,then let it be. That was the first and the last time we have our serious talk about us.
February 08,2011--pre-pageant day... during his turn in showing his talent which is dancing,my classmates observed that the only person he's looking to was me. I feel so special ♥ After doing his talent he went near us and pinch my tummy & gave me a sweet smile♥ * _ * My classmates saw what he did,and keeps on teasing us. During the announcements of the candidates who made it to the next level I can see that he's nervous that even forgot to smile...With my so thick face,I shouted loudly" GAGALOO,SMILE ^_^"
( I call him GAGALOO and he calls me CHUM)
>>GAGALOO CHUM ^^
He gave me his sweetest smile together with the voice saying that he's one of the candidates who will again show their talent at the pageant day :)) I'm so happy for him ^_^
I thought that was the start of our mutual understanding.. But I was mistaken ..
The next morning....because of a simple joke ...everything changed....
I said sorry in text. I tried to call him but he's not answering my calls. :( I tried my best to explain what my joke means but he didn't listen and said mean words to me... When i read his text saying ' hindi naman kita girlfriend para umasta ng ganyan ah?''Tears started to fall in my eyes.. How come he said those words? Did he think what pain will it give me? I cried really .. Really hard :'(
That afternoon.. I'm not expecting him to text me but he did ..He's asking if I'm at school already..I said why? Are you waiting for me? I never thought that that message will cause him pain again .Oh ..im sorry gagaloo :(
The day of the pageant came and I'm still hoping that he will recognize my presence or even smile to me just to know that he's not angry to me anymore.. You know what I did? I went at their dressing room.. I said my sorry personally but its like he didn't hear a thing Jjust like im not there. im not existing .. The worst part was that my classmates saw what happened and feel pity for me . And that's the thing i hate the most ..I dont want them pity me .. :(
My excitement in watching the pageant vanished..I was thinking what did I do? He's not smiling .He's not looking at me . He doesn't even know im cheering him up :( Its like my world's seems to crash that time ..
The most embarrassing part was when I shouted " gagaloo,smile :')'' but it seemed like he didnt hear me and just ignored me .. I wanted to melt that moment :[ jeez!! what am i doing ??
I thought ignoring me was the last thing he will do to me. But I was again mistaken .. I heard her mom say'' yan kase..text ka ng text sa malanding babaeng yan...yan tuloy namemental blocked ka !!!!'' Hearing those mean words made me cry hard :'( But because im stupid....I didnt endure what i heard ..I pretend NUMB :(
I even congratulate him for winning :( Good thing he said thanks ' :)
Yeah ! I was badly hurt . But thats not a reason for me to give up ..I continue texting him ..continue my sorries ... Im exerting efforts to please him but seems all of those efforts are effortless to him :'(
I cant remember the exact date but I said sorry to him personally and asked him if we can still fix it..You know what he said ..OK....Atleast I was given new hope :))
I thought everything between us is already alright but I was mistaken ....again.......His classmates who are also my friends always telling me that i was his first love and he's crying whenever we had our misunderstanding ..<weh?di nga?>
I can feel that he feels something for me..yeah!! That's true..I can see it in his eyes.. cause I see him looking at me secretly sometimes...I tried to prove myself that I was correct..February 23,2011,when I borrow my friends boyfriend and let him embrace me knowing that he's looking at me.....
You know what he did??He hug her girl bestfriend so tight ..kissed her in the cheeks.. And let me know what he's doing .. Ang umuwing talunan..Ako.....................................
My feelings for him began to fade when I learned that he likes my classmate who's so close to me..They said that's why he's angry to me because I'm close with the person he likes..
Yeah..You are right .He is a 'bi'..But I dont care ..I love him ! I love him !! I love him !!!
Each of us gets tired,isn't it? I get tired too.. Not of loving him but of sacrificing...
Im shocked when he texted me one night which says "???"..Unfortunately I do not have a load at that night ..I do not have a money to get a load.I was a jerk! jeeeeeeeeezzzzzzz!!!!!!!!!!
I loaded so early in the morning to text him.. What made me real shocked was when i read his message saying HU U? I learned that the person im texting to was her girlfriend named Tricia ....
The next night her mom texted me..saying''tigilan mo na nga ang anak ko shaira ..istorbo ka sa buhay namin''That was the time I said I promise I'll stop!!!
I admit I still love him but its time for me to move on...Maybe that person is not worth the risk.Maybe he's not
worth it..Maybe I just need to let him go and set myself free to avoid pain....
As of now....I'm still waiting for him to online but whenever he's online he just ignores me..That's why I removed him from my friends to totally forget him :(
I need to do this for my self...I dont need to insist myself to someone who doesnt love me back.There are lots of fish in the sea.right?
I thought that was an easy thing to do but until now I'm waiting for him..Yeah he came back..I don't know what he have eaten but one night he texted me and said SORRY...That was May 18.I said ''whats that sorry for?? He said sorry ,sinaktan na naman kita ..i thought everything will be alright but every time everything's going fine,kinabukasan non ,disaster again :((
He courted me again i was about to answer YES but he said ''wag ka ng sumagot ..alam ko na iba na mahal mo..di mo na ko mahal..mas mahal mo na ung dexter mo :@ ''Im sick of his attitude.. I just let him do what he wanted to do ..
For now Im moving on ..but I still love him ...I will not let myself be hurt again :))
ayaw nia ..di wag nia :P
I sang a song to his friends.....
♫ pakisabi na lang na mahal ko siya,
di na baleng may TRICIA na siya,
pakisabi wag siyang mag.alala,
di ako umaasa,
alam kong ito'y malabo..
di ko na mababago,
gayon pa man,pakisabi na lang ♫
Someday,I know when I'll go back to our school again,I will have the chance to see him..I wish that day would come for me to realize if he's really worth it.. How I wish ! :))
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He was mine but not really..
I never really had him so..
I never really lost him..
I guess this is how we always be..
I had HIM..
He had ME..
But then again..
THERE'S NO REALLY US :'(
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
♥♥♥~you will always be my GAGALOO
& I will always be your CHUM ~♥♥♥
--gagaloochum^_^
feb.o4,2o11♥
